1x1 meeting: from ‘Me and You’ to ‘Us and Them’

People communicate differently when they are in a crowd than in a 4 eyes meeting. Nothing can replace the connection and integrity of intimate conversation. This is the place where the employee will reveal his true problems and his ambitions.

"Dr. J and Larry Bird Go One on One" Video Game (1983)

No matter how nice and polite we act, in most conversations, the employee and manager will act as they are the ‘me’ vs. ‘organization’. Both might be careful in choosing their words – as they know there would possible be unintended outcome for those long terms relations. They will both play the game.

The ‘me’ vs. organization tension is here to stay. Our job plays dominant role in how we percept ourselves - our modern ‘status’. We all want to be acknowledged on our professional abilities, and afraid to reveal our weaknesses. After all – no matter how many masks you have – we all remained the same children we always were…

Every employee draws this line between ‘me’ and the organization. As a manager – a fruitful 1x1 meeting is the one where both parties understand they are on the same side of this line. It must be safe environment where you both can focus on the benefit of the employee. It’s a ‘WE’.  Remember the employee will have his own benefit spot in his mind anyhow – no one can take it away from him. As a manager – you can choose to join him. Understanding this will actually help maintain the employee, as he will acknowledged that his worries are acknowledged

This is not all manipulation: you should really do your best to look at your employee present past and future from his eyes. In many cases your powers will not be sufficient to fuilfil the employees personal ambitions. The best practice is to truly discuss it and even suggest possibilities that might seem to be against your own motivations: like recommend how eventually he will reach his goals – even if that involves leaving the team. In most cases – the employee will not actually leave – but will instead get the safety feeling he was really looking for.

When discussing technical stuff – you will discover the employee now can better understand your own goals and motivations. He will understand why he sometimes need to do dirty work, fly abroad or stay late hours. He will not do that just because he is expected to do so. He will do it as he will sympathize with the team’s goals, or even share your narrative.

In a 1x1 meeting an employee will understand why he needs to give his share of the dirty work.

• Show him the team’s tasks
•  Ask him what he wants to do
•  Do your best to let him fulfill his wishes and develop his own derived goals

He might well understand that he have to finish with the ugly bug he was crying over for the past week in order to reach the ‘gold’ – the tasks he feels will bring the most value, interest or even fun (Yes – our work should be fun too)